The most valuable coaching experience I ever had was exploring and defining my personal values. It continues to open my eyes to deeper understanding and appreciation in my life and has expanded from my daily engagements with others to seeing the world differently.
After some deep and amazing work with my coach many years ago (thank you Eric) I committed myself to these value statements:
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Encounter each day, each moment as it is.
Act with compassion, respect, and integrity.
Learn and explore new places/ideas, open and expand myself.
These still express how I make decisions and strive to live my life. They keep me focused on Being Present, Thoughtful Actions, and Remaining Open to new experiences and ideas. It is fascinating to see how they shape and direct my life and help me understand why I do what I do. [If you have never explored this for yourself, drop me a note through my website, cathybamji.com. I’d love to walk that path with you!]
This exploration into self-understanding led me to accumulate descriptive identity statements linked to how I operate in the world. This list continues to grow as I continue to learn more about myself:
I believe in continuous improvement.
I am process person and systems-thinker.
I am an observer and synthesizer.
I am a weaver and healer.
I believe in the need for community and connection.
I believe understanding why is just as important as understanding what.
I believe happiness is a choice.
I stand for love as a guiding principle.
In an ever-expanding need to understand deeper, I recognize that these beliefs make me different, and I cannot expect others to see the world as I see it. My perspective has value and other perspectives are just as important so it behooves me to seek them out and listen for what they can teach me. Here lies my Catch-22: engaging the world in this way is a clear demonstration of my values and is behavior I cannot expect of others, so…
How can I learn from others if they do not desire to share their perspective?
How does the world get better if no one is sharing or talking or listening?
These questions have taken me down a rabbit hole of learning – first in the wisdom of Valarie Kaur (author and activist grounded in wisdom and love); then Rainn Wilson (actor, author, and podcaster at Soul Boom) where I have indulged in many thought-provoking conversations; Bruce Feiler (author) where I have explored transitions, meaning, and rituals; and Arthur Brooks (author) – my latest fascination where I am learning about how to use curiosity to calm the chaos. I am still reading and still absorbing so if you have recommendations for me, please share them.
What have I learned?
Love is a powerful, grounding force.
Kindness and Compassion are universal values, each playing out differently in every life.
I can control my own words, behavior, and mindset.
I can influence my success, other’s opinions of me, my reputation, my time, the behavior of people I know, and who I vote for.
I have no control over the behavior and mistakes of others, my past decisions, the weather, news, media, natural disasters, or death.
More often, what we do determines how we feel, not the other way around.
How do these help answer the questions above?
Go to places where people disagree with you and learn their perspective.
Seek first to understand.
Stay curious.
Read – Listen – Ask questions.
Create space and opportunities to share – exchange – explore with others.
Relax the tendency to judge and learn to appreciate another person’s experience.
I know what you’re thinking – this is difficult, especially when the other person is saying what my brain labels as assumptions, lies, or misinformation. You’re correct! But I am finding that if I slow down, let go of that judgement, and genuinely say, “That’s interesting. I have not heard that. Where did you learn that?” or “I am curious. Can you please share an experience you had with that?” or “Wow – I am surprised. I would love to learn more about the experiences that have driven you to this conclusion.”, then I am opening the door to deeper conversation. And yes, I am opening myself up to learning that I am the one that is misinformed; I am the one that has believed a lie. Isn’t this what learning and growing is all about? It’s all a continuing journey – ebbing and flowing around obstacles, riding the currents of change?
Good luck to us all on this continuing journey of life. I would love to hear about your learning so take the opportunity to share your thoughts in the comments or drop me a note.
Helpful quotes gathered along the way:
“Revolutionary Love is the call of our times. It is to look upon the face of anyone and say: you are a part of me I do not yet know.” – Valarie Kaur
“When in turmoil, turn to narrative. The proper response to a set back is a story.” – Bruce Feiler in Life Is in the Transitions
“We all bear some individual responsibility for the collective good… What good is a spiritual path that only enriches our own inner peace while hundreds of millions go hungry? And conversely, how do we sustainably serve those millions if our hearts are hard, empty, cold, and filled with selfish ego or materialistic motives? How can there be peace without justice?” – Rainn Wilson in Soul Boom
“When you meet actual people, and learn a little of their human story, you feel connection – and connection destroys discrimination.” – Arthur Brooks in Love Your Enemies
“…motive attribution asymmetry – the phenomenon of assuming that your ideology us based in love, while your opponent’s ideology is based in hate.” – Arthur Brooks in Love Your Enemies
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, rather we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Father Pierre Teihard de Chardin, Jesuit Priest
“Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, not in God himself.” – Miguel de Unamuno in Tragic Sense of Life
“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” – Dalai Lama
“…loving where you are from [means] seeing all the wrongs that needed to be fixed and all the ways that could be better.” – Jacinda Ardern in A Different Kind of Power
“…what would our world look like if, as adults, we met people with the inclusivity we’re born with, rather than the exclusion we are taught?” – Jacinda Ardern in A Different Kind of Power
Social media photo by: Saeed Karimi on Unsplash